"A Thousand Different Ways" by Cecila Ahern (2023)

 **A thought-provoking magical realism backdrop, but in the end just the story of one woman's life**

This the first novel I've read by Cecelia Ahern, more notable for her romance novels such as "PS, I Love You".  Amusingly, it seems like it got mixed reviews from her fans, probably because it's not a romance novel at all.  Rather, it's a character study, the story of one woman's life, and it feels deep and real and honest in a fascinating way

The twist, as it were, is that our main character Alice can sense the emotions of others.  Some of the characters in-novel refer to it as synesthesia, although she herself dismisses that as a vast understatement.  You can read this book as a metaphor, or as magical realism, or as a frikkin' superpower (I'm tagging this book "Superhero" and you all can't stop me, it's my blog, if you don't like it start your own).  But the point is, this is the story of a woman who has no choice but to feel the emotions of everyone around her

And, so, my god how difficult her life is.  To constantly be surrounded by the emotions of others, to have them encroaching upon you (as she puts it, to feel their colours reaching out to you).  When her mother is angry, she can see and feel the black tendrils reaching out at her.  When a man is attracted to her, she has no choice but to see the swirling red at his crotch.  And when she's surrounded by too many people, she can't help but be overwhelmed:

At school when I didn't have a choice over the company I kept and our proximity, I changed moods a dozen times a day, felt like a different person so many times it was nauseating.  I've learned from those experiences.  Even if people's energies are good, they're not mine

As a metaphor, of course, it works.  While none of us have what Alice has, we still know that terrifying feeling of a room full of too much energy that is so different from your own.  We all know the discomfort of realizing someone is lying to you and not knowing how to handle it.  And god knows I'm not naïve enough to think that women don't usually know when a guy is just talking to her because he's attracted to her.  ::sigh:: sorry, on behalf of my gender.  Sorry

(there's actually a passage in the book where Alice talks with her brother about her discomfort at a man being aggressively attracted to her.  Her brother starts on the whole, "well, I mean, guys are just like that" thing only to have his wife cut him off and basically say, "nope, shut up, I'm gonna need you to take whatever you're about to say and not say it.  She does not have to put up with that."  Good for her)

Much of the heaviest passages of the book concern her family.  First, her mother, who readers figure out far before Alice does has Bipolar Disorder.  We first meet her mother through Alice's 8-year-old eyes, and it can be painful to read at times:  "She has moments of kindness, but she is not kind.  She has moments where she cares, but she is not caring.  One good moment with her doesn't make her a good mother, which is why I will never call her that."  The relationship between Alice and her mother, as well as the way her mother affects her older and younger brothers, is much of the emotional core of the novel

And yes, Alice's relationship with her mother changes over the course of the novel, starting as an 8-year-old girl afraid of her mother's anger, the colours she can't help but see:  "dark green, sludgy, not an evil black but dark enough to worry about.  Inside it swirl red mists of anger, like the eyes of a creature buried in the darkness of a cave, threatening to emerge."  But she grows, and her mother grows, and in the end Alice comes out of it understanding herself better.  Because the metaphor is rather obvious, she can see other's colours but can't see her own, and her willingness to understand and accept her own pain is an important part of this book:

On my contemplative days, when I have time, I reflect on all of those lonely worried years when I wondered why me, why is this happening to me?  And I now know that if you don't feel your own pain, you cannot recognise it in others.  Our own suffering can cultivate the ability to help others

I loved this book because of Alice, but that's almost a tautological statement, because Alice is the entire book and vice versa.  I mentioned above that this novel received hit-and-miss reviews from Ahern's fans, and I imagine another part of that is that . . . it's almost not a novel, at least not in its traditional presentation.  Certainly, there's no narrative structure, no hero's journey, no rising and falling action.  In many ways, it reads more like a memoir or an autobiography.  It's the story of a life

We skip quickly through Alice's life, one minute she's 8 years old, the next she's shipped off to boarding school, and then she's finished school and is starting her adult life.  Although we get the occasional flashback, in general this is a train barreling down the tracks of her life, stopping only briefly at stations of import.  Chekov's Gun remains on the wall, characters that are important in one chapter are never heard from again--because, really, that's how it works in real life.  

For some, I suppose that might be frustrating or unsatisfying, but for me it worked.  Honestly, it made it feel more real.  Some readers might be annoyed or unfulfilled--what, she's dating some guy, she's working some job, she's at some school, and then suddenly we timeskip and she's not anymore?  What happened?  Explain it to me!--but that's how it works in real life.  When you think back on someone no longer in your life or something you're no longer doing, you don't necessarily think about how it ended, the breakup fight or the resignation letter or the graduation ceremony.  What you remember are snapshots in time, moments that you probably didn't even realize would be the ones to stick with you.  Well, this book is a collection of Alice's snapshot moments.  I breezed through this book in like a day and a half because Alice's story was engaging and Ahern's pacing moved us through so quickly

This is a book about the life of a woman with goddamn superpowers--yes, I'm sticking with that, her highschool best friend and I agree, it's a superpower, this is a superhero story.  But mostly, it's about how we are shaped by the pain (and joy!) in our past and by the emotions of the people around us, how each and every colour we encounter gets added to the collage of our life.  And that's beautiful

I loved this book

Days that are too short, nights that never end

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So!  This is my last post in Women's History Month.  I'll readily admit that I didn't finish my whole reading list this month, which is fine, I knew March would be busy.  I'll slowly work through it over the next month as well

I really do appreciate that opportunity to read so much, to learn so much.  It's an incredible thing to be able to step into another person's shoes and see the world through her eyes, and I am indebted to every author that made that possible.  Great month, see you all next time!