"More Happy Than Not" by Adam Silvera (2015)

 **Not just one of the most heart-rendingly good queer coming-of-age books I've ever read, but one of the best coming-of-age books I've ever read, period**

This post will be short, because I don't want to spoil anything.  Let me just say that this book has my very highest of recommendations

This book is fascinating, because it's firmly in the Young Adult category.  It's a story about a 16-year-old, growing up and grappling with the pressures of school and family and just trying to grow up.  Solidly Young Adult

It's also one of the most soul-crushing, depressing, dark novels I've read recently.  I would absolutely recommend this book to a 13-year-old . . . but I'd also make sure to add, "and hey, I'll be around if there's anything you want to talk about".  And while I don't, for this blog, give specific content warnings, just rest assured that it has just about everything that can possibly be included while still being rated "Gr 9 and up" by the School Library Journal (who gave it a starred review)

Simply put, this is a story about Aaron Soto, a queer teen growing up in poverty.  It's set in the projects in the Bronx, and the politics of poverty and race (Aaron is Hispanic, and many of his friends and neighbors are Black) are painted in unflinching terms.  In their review, the New York Times (who gave this book an "Editor's Selection" for 2015) mentioned that its depiction of modern urban poverty alone should make it required reading for a lot of modern American youth:  "Even if its goal were merely to convey what it is like to grow up in urban poverty, Silvera’s effort would be worth declaring mandatory reading for the sort of teenager who might view winter break without a trip to Chamonix as a meaningful deprivation"

But beyond that, this story is about a young kid growing up and coming to terms with his sexuality, and it's portrayed with incredible poignancy and pain.  Remember when I said above that this book contains a lot of content warnings?  Yeah.  None of them are for shock value.  Every thing in this book, as tragic and terrible, is there because it's simply a realistic portrayal of the things that queer youth go through every day in modern society

Evangeline leans toward me. “You have so much to live for,” she whispers. 

“Like what?” I ask, and either she told me and I already forgot or she has nothing convincing to say.

Adam has not had an easy life.  And when he realizes he's starting to have feelings for Thomas, a boy from the neighboring (and occasionally rival) project, things don't get any easier

Even the moments of happiness, the discovery of love, are tinged irrevocably with sadness:

I want every night to be like this, where we can just laugh against each other without it being weird. But for tonight, this is enough. From the shapes cast by the green paper lantern, you would never know that there were two boys sitting closely to one another trying to find themselves. You would only see shadows hugging, indiscriminate.

So, enter the lone sci-fi element of this novel that is otherwise supremely grounded in reality.  The "Leteo Institute" (taking its name from the River Lethe) has pioneered a revolutionary therapeutic technology:  The ability to selectively remove a memory or memories from your mind.  The implications, well, are worth pondering

We are first introduced to this technology early in the book, where one of the family's in Aaron's project uses the treatment to edit out the memory of their son who died in a tragic accident.  The young man's mother simply couldn't handle it any more, and chose oblivion rather than pain.  Like I said.  The implications are worth pondering

And so, here we are.  Aaron is wondering if maybe it wouldn't be for the best if he could go to the Lethe Institute and ask them to edit out his memories of Thomas.  Wouldn't it just be easier?

Yeah

(that said, one review did note, "the most fantastic aspect of this book is the idea that this procedure is covered by Aaron's insurance", hah)

I loved this book because of the true love and care the author, Adam Silvera, has for Aaron and his story.  Every word aches with empathy and pain for everything Aaron is going through.  And yet, Silvera knows he has to be honest.  He has to tell the true story of the things the queer youth go through.  It pains him to write these words, it pains us to read them, but they are necessary

This is what fiction, and speculative fiction are all about:  The events of this book did not happen, but they are true.  They are more than true

I loved this book

I ignite the wick, and the firework takes flight. In that moment, I wish my existence were as simple as being set on fire and exploding in the sky.